Posts Tagged ‘Brooklyn Decker’

At first blush, you read this title and mutter to yourself  ’Impossirus–no one (and I mean not no body, not no way, not no how, Wizard of Oz-style) looks good naked, let alone hot’.

Well, not exactly.

Not unless you are Brooklyn Decker, the new uber-gorgeous uber-naked cover girl of the coveted Sports Illustrated Swim issue for this year — just out on the stands last week–and plastered everywhere on the news, nets and wavelengths since.  Time Life, parent owner of SI, estimates that some 65 million people will see this issue and her cover, worth squillions to her in modelling contracts and endorsements, and bringing in the SI bacon to the tune of 7+ million buckoes. From what the punters say these cover girl’s images are seen on anything from bar coasters to calendars to flavored mineral water to move and sell product. Last year’s cover girl, the fiercely stunning Bar Refaeli, squired recently by Leonardo di Caprio, is rumored to be sizzling that she was over-stepped in lieu of Mrs. Andy Roddick, aka Brookie.

Ms Decker’s half-clothed wunderschon-ness was unveiled from atop a New York skyscaper on a national news late night talk show (erm, that would be Letterman, of course) in the interests of modesty–the hour–and suspense–the day before its release. (Guess the editors and producers thought that school-aged tots being bussed and ferried to their respective nurseries and elementary schools the net morning wouldn’t notice 100 feet of smiling yellow sunshine from Brooke towering above their limos and buses, exposed and half-dressed in a yellow bikini bottom.) It mattered not.  She’d look amazing wearing half a yellow foul flag.

But we are not talking total birthday suit here, just alot of skin. In a pull-out of the mag, she reclines in a woven net hammock, all 5 ‘ 9 inches of her gloriousness basking in a sea green bikini. This photo while alluring did not make the cover. Why?  Too much clothing!  Not enough nakedness. Naked or at least topless is what sells, and naked is most definitely hot!

For full-on undress, SI offers its readers a special chapter called ‘Bodypainting’.  It’s more than ‘window dressing’. It’s full on frontal, up close and and personal–with 18 hours of layered theatrical paint. This year does not disappoint–there are European World Cup footballers’ wives, fiancees, girlfriends and according to the gossip rags, has-been wannabees painted up in their respective men’s ‘strips’. Under all that goop, is an ultra-10 naked body. Yikes!

Not to be outdone by the sporting world, with its Olympian women athletes, dancing stars and catwalk beauties, even Hollywood starlet Ashley Greene of the iconic Twilight franchised films gets her kit on, or off, as the case may be. Sponsor SoBe Lifewater used the same make-up artist Joanne Gair and photographer of 3 of the last 4 selected SI Swim covers Raphael Mazzucco to paint her in its logo gecko-scaled swimsuits for its debut of ‘Skinsuits’ and 2 new zero calorie flavors. Alice Cullen has zero inhibitions, for sure. Who cares about dying!

But the hottest and most naked of all totally drops her shell. Candy shell, that is. Miss Green, of M & M fame has appeared on SI Swim’s (back) cover for years now.  Not to be outshone by Ms Greene, above, our demure little sweetie loses her top shell and rolls down her bottom shell, coyly. This Miss Green’s byline on her website (yes, she has a website, Twitter, Facebook accounts and even background wallpaper, plus nearly 8000 friends, for crimminy-sakes!) is ‘ I melt for no one.’

Take that Brookie, Bar, Ashley and others.

Now that’s smokin’ HOT!

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It’s still the first month of the new year and already people are geared up, foaming at the mouth, ready for action and prizes.

Volcom is hosting its first ever world-class surfing ASP event, the Volcom Pipeline Pro Surfing Competition on Oahu’s North Shore. Countdown began with the traditional blessing on Day one, 23 Janaury as the ‘watch’ begins for the next fortnight or so through 5 February for waves worthy of the surfing talent gathered there to compete. There are more than a 100 or so, and some of the biggest names in surfing are among the many hopefuls.

Unsurprisingly, the first, second and third day’s calls were ‘OFF’ as Lei Days as posted on Volcom’s site.

Today, day four is also a waiting game as the call is also another Lei Day.

To while away those hours waiting and watching for the pounders to come in off the Pacific, Surf chatter and Surf buzz is the order of the day, keeping the nerves down. Even over a spiced soy latte, though, everyone looks anxiously over the narrow ribbon of highway to see what the wind has whipped up, ready to make a breakaway for their boards.

Shapers and surfers mingle, and the die-hard fans, organisers and attendant photographers all ‘talk story’, while toeing the sand like restless colts, dying to run and divide the spoils.

Forget the 60 foot waves.  The wait is a killer all of its own.

Meanwhile a world away, another waiting game of sorts is happening, keeping its stable of followers anxious and tethered, the prize a secret.

Sports Illustrated‘s super sexy Swimsuit issue, the world’s most profitable single magazine issue seller, generating 7% of SI‘s net profits last year, and a multi-million dollar stand-alone franchise poster child, has frothed up its testosterone-based readership into a frenzy worthy of a monster wave.

With a countdown, too (today announcing only 13 more days to play time), its own website, a weekly teaser video clip releasing early pics of the chosen models, and sneak peek Twitpics, Twitter chatter and even NYC subway posters and Las Vegas hotel billboards of the uber beach babes like Brooklyn Decker, Bar Refaeli and Julie Henderson curvaceously smiling, standing larger than life-sized in killer bikinis, SI has foamed up the playing field with eager excitement. It can, with some 155,000 reported photos taken in exotic locales from Chile to India from which to choose.

The winning cover model is not even announced from the 18 or so who were shot until the day before the magazine’s release, 9 February, and there are red-carpetted parties, events and televised coverage as the festivities move from New York to Vegas. Yes, you heard Vegas!

Maybe the expression ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas’ is aptly wry for the shark-frenzy aftermath of such a militarily-orchestrated papp opportunity and plethora of follow-on treasure post-launch.  Forget the suites of gifty-giveaways–there will be calendars, books, posters, and maybe even movie deals done before Valentines hits.

One thing is for sure. The surfers and models have waited long for their moment, competed like the pros they are, and the wave of glory comes quick, fast and hard, and then, suddenly it’s over.

There will always be another one right behind it, bigger and better. And more booty.

For surf-ready Hawaiian bikinis

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Disturbing new trends, girls!  Men stealing our bikinis and moves and strutting all Beyonce-bootylishily down the boulevard.

If you don’t believe it, watch this clip from Peter Facinelli‘s ‘bet’ made with Rob DeFranco that he, the mighty Facsh, could get 500,000 Twitter followers within a deadline (he succeeded!) in order to 1) retain his $5.99 monogrammed back panel from his Dr. Carlisle Cullen Twilight film set chair, AND, 2 ) see his mate Rob prepare, wear and suffer stares as he danced down the street in Hollywood in a BIKINI! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFJ9BINvomI&NR=1

Surrounded on one end of the ‘walk of shame’ by other bikini clad models, similarly togged, and on the other by amazed passers-by and fans, the loser indeed ‘did the dance’ on Hollywood Boulevard–a stretch otherwise reserved and emblazoned with stars of the silver screen. With hip hop with break dance spins as well as some Fight Club punches too. In fact, it was a mighty fine choreographed number with loads of athletic manoevers, Jett Li high kicks and some coordinated grooves too, even a cartwheel.

This, only after enduring the chest wax, and maybe lower;  spray tanning, and then suffering the ignominy of the fitting room trauma we all face each season when we try on the 2 pieces that either make our bums look big or our boobs too small. Rob like us tried on loads before finding the best fit. He just didn’t look as good in the black one he had tried first!

Peter later  revealed when all was said and done that even Rob had succumbed to smoothing out his lumpy bits by wearing a secure as duck-tape pair of Spanx under the teensy boy-cut shorts.

Not to be outdone by the older generation, toy boy band member Joe Jonas outfitted in a one-piece black unitard and HEELS also mimed Single Ladies, as did Rob, while gyrating and prancing around on a set to inaugurate his brothers and his new Jonas Brothers album. No skin, but it was terrifying. Wonder what that bet was!

And now Sports Illustrated, one month before launch date of its famed Swim Issue chockers full of luscious models in bikinis, recently announced a ‘Mankini’ contest for best photo of a guy in a bikini. Rules?  According to the senior editor MJ Day:  ‘Rules of 2009 Mankini contest. 1. must cover your package, 2. anything else goes….KEEP IT SIMPLE!!!’  The winner is to receive a calendar or a book or something to assuage the humiliation of being Twitpicked all over the Twitterverse in a matter of nano-seconds wearing it.

(We’ll wait for Bar, Brooklyn and Behati.)

In fact, given that Peter Facinelli has been declared by E-Online as the top Celebrity Twitterer of the Year and now has over 1.5 MILLION followers, some hapless guy from Des Moines in his ex-wife’s bleached-out bagged-out number will probably end up re-morphed in a Vampire App on the Facsh’s iPhone after winning SI’s teaser contest.

If not, Ashton can’t be far behind, lurking like some tracker to grab onto that tweet.

Don’t say you weren’t warned –that you didn’t see the signs. You’ll end up a total twit, and you’ll never look as bootylicious as us!  Like Peter warns, ‘Don’t mess with Facinelli’!

And don’t wear our bikinis, men!

Beautiful beach girls in bikinis

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